An awful lot (and I do mean an AWFUL lot) of things have happened since I last sat down and attempted to give release to my thoughts and feelings on this blog. So many changes, so much pain, so much loss coupled with a mind-numbing fear of uncertainty. Horrible events that have been very difficult to accept because the parallel of my mind’s expectations didn’t jive with the reality of what I was dealt. And no matter how much you try and put a positive spin on some things, there are times it is near impossible because life can just suck at times. But it’s in those moments of darkness and deep despair that growth under pressure happens and allows something beautiful an opportunity to develop.
The dark clouds that have lingered over my life in the past few years have threatened to consume every shred of self recognition and quite honestly, nearly robbed me of my sanity. I could not see any silver lining, just the ominous threat of a major storm looming overhead. It was a scary, scary place to be. Like a seed that has been forced deep into the dirt, the sudden darkness that surrounded me was suffocating. The enormous pressure that built inside was painful until finally my outer shell was split wide open. The heavy rains of depression and anxiety left me feeling smothered and out of control.
But then somehow, the sun managed to permeate the darkness, started to warm my heart and encouraged me to grow and break through the dirt that was holding me down. It was the early stages of something new — perhaps with the promise of something beautiful still left to come. And I can’t wait to see what may bloom.